Today I was in the shower thinking about finishing school and not having health insurance.  How will I pay for my meds (for things like my thyroid) which I can’t do without if I want to function?  Who will I see to get refills?  Then there is the thyroid function test which I have to get every so often in order to get the refills.

Maybe I’ll have to get a full time job so that I can have benefits.  But how will I work on my own projects?  How will I work on anything if I am too sick?

EPIPHANY – The reason we don’t have national health insurance.

I know many people who work at their jobs because of the health insurance.  If this wasn’t an issue, big businesses wouldn’t have hold over people – At least with this respect.

So we don’t have national health insurance because big business doesn’t want it.  Just think what would happen to the pharmaceutical industry without the private sector?  I am just hating all of this lately!

I voted today. At least I think I did. I hope it was right. The people running the polls didn’t really seem to have it together. I am glad that it was a paper ballot – You know, in case there are any discrepancies. Not that, that would ever happen!

I have voted since I was 18. I am educated. If voting is that confusing for me, I have to believe it is for many others.

I am cynical these days. This is very new to me. I use to be so optimistic. It’s not that I feel I am doomed. In fact I feel like I’m on the right path in my life. It’s just that I see more of the injustices in this world.

I am no longer protected in the small town environment. I really appreciate it though – my small town upbringing. It was a place where I felt relatively safe; where people were relatively nice to each other. My experience taught me to help others out – About community.

Here is this enormous city alienation seems to prevail. Although the city is segregated and there are smaller “communities”, it seems the number of people reinforces the alienation. In the small town rural environment there is more homogeneity and if you live there long enough everyone seems familiar.

When you are known, it seems that you are more important. People may like you or not, they may complain about you, love you, hate you but……They Know You. I think this is what helps stave off the alienation. It’s not that it doesn’t occur nor is it perfect. I just wish we could find a way to increase community here. A place where people can belong and care for each other.

A daunting task.

I remember when I could walk around the corner to the Coffee Bean or Starbucks. There were some people that were like me. It wasn’t that long ago. Then I move to the edge of South Central LA.

Being from New England, I grew up with homogeneity and it was boring. When I moved out here I lived in Glendale (suburbia), because it was somewhat like home but not quite me.

So, I moved to West LA. It was good but being a poor student and wanting more bang for the buck, I moved East.

Well I certianly got more bang for the buck! We found a cute house, cheap, on a wide street lined with majestic palm trees. When the sun sets behind those giants, it really is beautiful!

Living here is certainly not boring . We are the first white people in our neighborhood of primarily Latino families with a smattering of African Americans. I hear the neighborhood used to be really rough but has gotten much better over the past few years.

Many of our neighbors are so friendly and they look out for us. I’m not as enamored with some others, however. Last weekend these two guys two houses down sat in their SUV for 3 hours with the bass so loud! When we asked them to turn it down, they just turned away from us. They are like bullies. Why can’t people just be nice to one another?

Lately I’ve realized how the negative energy can really be infectious. I’m so sick of the trash thrown in front of our yard, the drinking in the street and the music with bass that rattles the windows.

No one cares about the people here either. I called the police about a guy that keeps driving up and down Jefferson Blvd, directing traffic, swearing at people and causing near accidents, pretending to be a cop and they treated me like I was a criminal!

THAT WAS WHEN I COULD ACTUALLY GET THROUGH TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.

Our mail is inconsistent, the street sweeper sometimes comes….How are the people living in the neighborhoods suppose to care if the “City” doesn’t?

What has really hit me is how much the poverty, anger and dirtiness effects me. I’ve been really angry lately. If people get in my way I want to yell at them and run them over. I don’t like being that way. My partner commented that she is usually the one to get angry and that it is not like me to be like this.

Maybe its not like my neighbors either?

A real Catch 22

I know this is no surprise to all you bloggers out there but, BLOGGING IS A FULL TIME JOB!  I am not a regular blogger because I just don’t have the time.  Today I researched a minute number of blogs to see what’s out there and it has been three hours.

There is so much information out there and its great because you can find information on anything but, THERE IS SO MUCH INFORMATION OUT THERE!  It can be overwhelming.

For anyone reading this, THANK YOU, for taking the time.  Let me know you were here and I will visit.

Keep the Peace

We are suppose to live in the Great United States. It seems that our country is increasingly great for the HAVES and that much worse for the HAVE NOTS.

I am losing faith in us. We the people. We are no longer the best. Our infant mortality rate is worse than most other developed nations. We have a president that was not even elected. Our national and personal debt are disgusting. We are the most obese people in the world and the most complacent.

As the gap between the rich and poor increases and the holes in our system of government broaden, we do almost nothing. And the one thing that many of us do is not helpful: WE COMPLAIN. It’s always someone else’s fault.

How can that be? We are a democracy, aren’t we? So if the country is broken- IT IS -We need to fix it. So How? I am the first to admit that I find the task daunting.

I recycle. I try to be conscientious about the energy I use. I try and be kind to others. But when things like the last presidential election, 9-11, health care and the war on Iraq come in to play, it seems we should be protesting. How do we do this? How do I do this?

Well I joined Moveon.org and I’m writing this. I don’t think it’s enough so I guess I just keep trying to figure it out.

I am home! YAY! Or am I? I have lived most of my life in New Hampshire but when I came to LA in 2005, I decided I wanted to stay. For a variety of reasons my daughter lives in NH and so returned “home” for the last 7 months to spend time with her.

I love LA and I am so happy to be here but I am ambivalent. I love my family: My daughter, my Dad, my brother & his girlfriend, my sister, her husband and my niece and nephew. My surrogate mother lives there as do my two best friends.

But my love and my work are here and I love the environment. I love the city – Although I would like to live in a different part of it. I love the creative environment. I LOVE THE WEATHER! NH is beautiful but there was almost 3 feet of snow by the time we left on Christmas. The cold, darkness and difficulty getting around from now until sometime in March or April really wear on me.

So what to do? Simple really. I just have to make a life that allows me to spend time in both places. Time to get to work!

I have spent most of my life in New England and every fall I would have to fight the weight gain.  Finally near Thanksgiving I would give up and eat what I wanted through the holidays after which I would be so disgusted I would stop the gluttony.

In 2005 I move to Los Angeles.  I noticed that I did not have as much difficulty over eating in the fall there but it was hard to know the causes: weather, lifestyle change, away from family.

I returned to New England for an extended visit in June.  This fall I have noticed a return to old needs for comfort food.

Since returning my suspicions have been confirmed. Weather has a tremendous effect on me.  The shorter days, the unending days of no sun, the rain, the cold – All of these factors push for comfort and for me that is food.

  In the fall the comfort foods come out in New England:  Baked beans, chowder, winter squash, potatoes and sweets.  Not only are they comforting but full of calories.

Los Angeles weather is temperate for most of the year and the sun is out nearly every day.  This lends to my desire to eat more salads, fruits, fresh veggies and less desire for comfort food. 

 So those of you who believe the weather affects you.  It does! 

I would like to thank anyone who reads this blog today. I haven’t been able to get online for over a week now because of a problem with the line!

If you want to hear something really exciting, go to Peaces-Trish’s Journal on my links. She is a great musician who is about to release her first CD. Her music is pop/rock. She writes great lyrics. There are samples on her journal She is taking preorders now.

It is great to be able to network like this. To be able to meet people that I might never be able to meet otherwise. I look forward to hearing from you all.

Everyone sees the world through their own unique view but often times I forget this and many times others don’t see it at all. I think about the writer’s strike and how the writers feel the studios/corporations are bullying them into getting lesser benefits (which I agree with) and how the studios feel they need to make certain profitibility margins.

Politics: Recently some of my co-workers are upset because they see Hillary Clinton as supporting paying for illegal aliens to go to college (I am not even sure there is truth in the statement), but they don’t seem to want to see how the most powerful people in the world could make most places on this planet communities that take care of their own and…

Driving to work: On my way to work there is a merge; from two lanes to one. Now I have always thought that when the line ends you merge alternately one from each lane. One day a “soccer mom” (as was indicated on her license plate) opened her window and began yelling because she thought we should have merged into “her” lane, behind her. I thought about this today when, at a light that merged, I was ahead and a big truck raced to beat me. At first I was irritated. “Why did he have to be so rude?” “Why did he have to race past me just because he could?” Then I thought, “Why does this bother me so?” “So what if he is ahead? Am I in a race?” I tried hard to let it go and I did: Intellectually at first because within the fibers of my being it still bothered me. “Why is it so hard to do?” He didn’t hurt me, but I wanted to be first. “Did I need to be first?” Clearly it didn’t matter. I have to work very hard to be aware of and let these things go. It is even harder if I am having a bad day.

Perspective is everything.